For those of you just tuning in... or surfing in... whatever the verb is to describe what you're doing right now, for those of you doing that, I'm putting away my uneducated layman's views about God and life for a day or two to provide my uneducated layman's views on writing novels poorly. Why? Because I was bored, or tired, or cranky, or the sun was in my eye. There really is no why. There's only this. So let's get back to it.
Right now, if you've successfully made it through Lesson 1, you have an idea either so ridiculous or so mundane that people will cringe when you bring it up. Now it's time to take a bad idea one step farther. It's time to start writing... about what you want to write.
Lesson 2: The Characters
Subtle, layered characters that have relatable problems are very readable. You’ll want to avoid them like the plague. Instead, concentrate on well-used clichés. Does your book need a hero? Make him an emotionless loner. For reference, please see any action movie made in the 1980s. What about a heroine? Make her an overbearing shrew that makes a point of emasculating all the men around her. Or, for added flare, make her an obsequious door-mat whose only really purpose in the book is to look pretty and scream now and again. The key, people, is avoiding characters that in any way remind the reader of their own life. If a reader actually relates to one of your characters, they may read the rest of your book just to find out what happens to that one character. I don’t need to tell you that this is the exact sort of thing we’re going to try to avoid.
Lesson 3: Character versus Plot Driven Novels
There are two main types of novels: character driven and plot driven. Character driven novels tend to be more free-form. People read these novels because they like (or are interested by) the characters and want to see what happens to them. “Catch-22” is a good example of a character driven novel: it’s a classic book with likable, quirky characters and no discernable plot line. Since we’ve already established that our characters will be wholly unlikable, a character driven novel is our obvious choice. And that’s exactly why our novel should be a plot driven novel. Never go with the obvious… except when going with the obvious is not the obvious choice. If that confuses you, you’re ready for the next lesson.
That's all the time I have today. Next we'll discuss exactly what type of plot we'll use, now that we've established that we need a plot.
Right now, if you've successfully made it through Lesson 1, you have an idea either so ridiculous or so mundane that people will cringe when you bring it up. Now it's time to take a bad idea one step farther. It's time to start writing... about what you want to write.
Lesson 2: The Characters
Subtle, layered characters that have relatable problems are very readable. You’ll want to avoid them like the plague. Instead, concentrate on well-used clichés. Does your book need a hero? Make him an emotionless loner. For reference, please see any action movie made in the 1980s. What about a heroine? Make her an overbearing shrew that makes a point of emasculating all the men around her. Or, for added flare, make her an obsequious door-mat whose only really purpose in the book is to look pretty and scream now and again. The key, people, is avoiding characters that in any way remind the reader of their own life. If a reader actually relates to one of your characters, they may read the rest of your book just to find out what happens to that one character. I don’t need to tell you that this is the exact sort of thing we’re going to try to avoid.
Lesson 3: Character versus Plot Driven Novels
There are two main types of novels: character driven and plot driven. Character driven novels tend to be more free-form. People read these novels because they like (or are interested by) the characters and want to see what happens to them. “Catch-22” is a good example of a character driven novel: it’s a classic book with likable, quirky characters and no discernable plot line. Since we’ve already established that our characters will be wholly unlikable, a character driven novel is our obvious choice. And that’s exactly why our novel should be a plot driven novel. Never go with the obvious… except when going with the obvious is not the obvious choice. If that confuses you, you’re ready for the next lesson.
That's all the time I have today. Next we'll discuss exactly what type of plot we'll use, now that we've established that we need a plot.
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