There are innumerable books written telling people how to write novels that will be published at the drop of a hat, and there are about as many books written telling people how to get that amazing book published. But seconds of intense research (done by thinking about researching) have revealed a gap in the market: a book written to tell people how to write an unpublishable novel.
Have you ever thought, “Gee, I’d really love to go through the arduous process of creating a novel, but I really don’t want to deal with the hassle and financial compensation of having a novel published”? Or have you said to yourself, “Self, I want to spend hundreds of hours doing something that nobody will ever see, and if they do see it, I don’t want them to like it”?
Well, ask no more. Your needs will be met by this post, today! That’s right, I’m going to tell you how to waste years of your life and get absolutely nothing in return! As a self-described hack in the field of all things literary, I am about to offer you the insider’s secrets into the world of publishing failure.
Enough prelude. Let’s get down to brass tacks.
Lesson 1: Market Research
Market research is important if your book is going to make it to market. The theory is that you find a hole in an established market and fill it. Believe it or not, market research is equally as important if you don’t want to be published. Since we have no desire to fill any holes, it’s important to know what holes there are. Avoid these at all costs. When you pick a genre for your book, you need to make sure that it’s either a genre so glutted with books that a publisher will get nauseated at merely hearing it spoken aloud, or you need to pick a genre so bizarre that no one will risk publishing your book. For example, you could write an historical fiction / fantasy / romance novel. This example novel would follow Ghandi’s historic fight to free India from British rule. Except this time, Ghandi fights British mutant super-soldiers with his death ray vision and uncanny ability to talk to animals. The premise is so far fetched that even the most impaired editor won't risk the start-up money to publish it.
Tune in tomorrow to find out how to make boring things happen to people you don't care about.
Have you ever thought, “Gee, I’d really love to go through the arduous process of creating a novel, but I really don’t want to deal with the hassle and financial compensation of having a novel published”? Or have you said to yourself, “Self, I want to spend hundreds of hours doing something that nobody will ever see, and if they do see it, I don’t want them to like it”?
Well, ask no more. Your needs will be met by this post, today! That’s right, I’m going to tell you how to waste years of your life and get absolutely nothing in return! As a self-described hack in the field of all things literary, I am about to offer you the insider’s secrets into the world of publishing failure.
Enough prelude. Let’s get down to brass tacks.
Lesson 1: Market Research
Market research is important if your book is going to make it to market. The theory is that you find a hole in an established market and fill it. Believe it or not, market research is equally as important if you don’t want to be published. Since we have no desire to fill any holes, it’s important to know what holes there are. Avoid these at all costs. When you pick a genre for your book, you need to make sure that it’s either a genre so glutted with books that a publisher will get nauseated at merely hearing it spoken aloud, or you need to pick a genre so bizarre that no one will risk publishing your book. For example, you could write an historical fiction / fantasy / romance novel. This example novel would follow Ghandi’s historic fight to free India from British rule. Except this time, Ghandi fights British mutant super-soldiers with his death ray vision and uncanny ability to talk to animals. The premise is so far fetched that even the most impaired editor won't risk the start-up money to publish it.
Tune in tomorrow to find out how to make boring things happen to people you don't care about.
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