“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)
I don’t often quote verses directly on this site. That’s not because I don’t read the Bible. It’s actually for two main reasons. First, starting with a quote of the Bible pretty much makes any non-Christian stop reading. People who’ve been attacked by people wielding a Bible tend to shy away from people who quote the Bible. Sort of an associated pain thing. Second, I’m lazy and don’t usually want to wander into the other room where I keep my Bible.
The reason I quoted the verse I quoted on this cold October evening is for the simple reason that it fits. If you’ve read this site in the past few weeks, you know that I preached for my church’s youth group the Sunday before last. That was my first time preaching. It was scary, intimidating, and kinda fun at the same time. And all of that is really only relevant because of what happened yesterday.
I was sitting there before service, minding my own business, when a youth who we’ll call Ms. Y* came up to me and said, essentially, that my sermon seemed like it was directed right at her, that she’d thought about it a lot and decided not to do a lot of the bad stuff she was doing, that, furthermore, she was going to start living her life the way she knows she’s supposed to.
I think I said something like, “That’s great,” or some other lame platitude. But what I was thinking was something along the lines of, “Oh no. No, you see, your timing’s all wrong. You’re supposed to do these turn-around things when real pastors preach so you can tell them and then they can do real pastor stuff. They have degrees, you know. You’re not supposed to listen to me, you see, because I’m just a layman, just a guy trying to help out a bit. You see, I’m woefully inadequate for the task at hand.”
When she told me my sermon spoke to her, I didn’t pat my own back or congratulate myself on the eloquence of my words. My response was quite the opposite. I was humbled, struck by how big a job I was standing in for, if only for one week. I’m a bit afraid of the concept that God can use me to affect people’s lives. I’m also a bit afraid of sharing in their triumphs. You see, if I share in their triumphs, then I share in their defeats. What if, instead of bringing someone home again, my sermon drove someone away?
That almost sounds like I’m trying to work up some sort of justification for copping out and going back to spending my weekends snowboarding and rock climbing. What it really is is me trying to put into words something I’m not sure will fit in words. I’m trying to say that being used by God isn’t that big dramatic thing you think it will be. Doesn’t make you feel like a hero. Instead, it makes you feel small and weak, at least, it made me feel small and weak. There’s nothing like seeing true power work with something as fleeting as words to let you know your own powerlessness.
Jars of clay, indeed.
*I changed her name, that much is obvious, but there are people who read this site who know who I’m talking about. That said, the only reason I considered writing about this particular conversation was that Ms. Y told what she told not only to me, but to a group of people. What I’m saying is, if you’re one of the people who’s reading this site who knows me personally, you don’t have to worry about me posting your problems to the world. I view all conversations as confidential unless a) you tell the world or b) you specifically tell me I can tell other people. This isn’t a gossip blog, it’s a blog about God, me, and the world that confuses me.
I don’t often quote verses directly on this site. That’s not because I don’t read the Bible. It’s actually for two main reasons. First, starting with a quote of the Bible pretty much makes any non-Christian stop reading. People who’ve been attacked by people wielding a Bible tend to shy away from people who quote the Bible. Sort of an associated pain thing. Second, I’m lazy and don’t usually want to wander into the other room where I keep my Bible.
The reason I quoted the verse I quoted on this cold October evening is for the simple reason that it fits. If you’ve read this site in the past few weeks, you know that I preached for my church’s youth group the Sunday before last. That was my first time preaching. It was scary, intimidating, and kinda fun at the same time. And all of that is really only relevant because of what happened yesterday.
I was sitting there before service, minding my own business, when a youth who we’ll call Ms. Y* came up to me and said, essentially, that my sermon seemed like it was directed right at her, that she’d thought about it a lot and decided not to do a lot of the bad stuff she was doing, that, furthermore, she was going to start living her life the way she knows she’s supposed to.
I think I said something like, “That’s great,” or some other lame platitude. But what I was thinking was something along the lines of, “Oh no. No, you see, your timing’s all wrong. You’re supposed to do these turn-around things when real pastors preach so you can tell them and then they can do real pastor stuff. They have degrees, you know. You’re not supposed to listen to me, you see, because I’m just a layman, just a guy trying to help out a bit. You see, I’m woefully inadequate for the task at hand.”
When she told me my sermon spoke to her, I didn’t pat my own back or congratulate myself on the eloquence of my words. My response was quite the opposite. I was humbled, struck by how big a job I was standing in for, if only for one week. I’m a bit afraid of the concept that God can use me to affect people’s lives. I’m also a bit afraid of sharing in their triumphs. You see, if I share in their triumphs, then I share in their defeats. What if, instead of bringing someone home again, my sermon drove someone away?
That almost sounds like I’m trying to work up some sort of justification for copping out and going back to spending my weekends snowboarding and rock climbing. What it really is is me trying to put into words something I’m not sure will fit in words. I’m trying to say that being used by God isn’t that big dramatic thing you think it will be. Doesn’t make you feel like a hero. Instead, it makes you feel small and weak, at least, it made me feel small and weak. There’s nothing like seeing true power work with something as fleeting as words to let you know your own powerlessness.
Jars of clay, indeed.
*I changed her name, that much is obvious, but there are people who read this site who know who I’m talking about. That said, the only reason I considered writing about this particular conversation was that Ms. Y told what she told not only to me, but to a group of people. What I’m saying is, if you’re one of the people who’s reading this site who knows me personally, you don’t have to worry about me posting your problems to the world. I view all conversations as confidential unless a) you tell the world or b) you specifically tell me I can tell other people. This isn’t a gossip blog, it’s a blog about God, me, and the world that confuses me.
Comments
Thanks.
-Tom