This is stupid, but I find it mildly amusing. I’m in need of something mildly amusing today. Last year we had a bout of rain that lasted for three weeks. I wrote this somewhere toward the end of that.
Here’s to stupidity and it’s amazing ability to help me forget about a bad day. At least for a little while.
Concerned citizens,
As I drove up the river formerly known as 6th street last night, I watched a series of pedestrians float into the storm drains. Right then, as the water crested my windows, I had an epiphany: It will never stop raining.*
The long term solution to this problem is to genetically modify mankind to have gills. Since it'll be some time before the world of medical science gets off its duff and sees the light, I've come up with a list of items that concerned adults should have on hand to deal with the inevitable submergence of western Washington.
1. snorkel: useful in mudslides, and required for spending long hours at your cubicle when the water in your office is five feet deep.
2. water wings: they're inflatable, so they pack smaller than full-fledged life preservers. Sure, they look funny, but we'll see who's laughing after all the "cool" people try to tread water for the next 40 days and 40 nights.
3. spear gun: you'll need to protect your water wings from the "cool" people, and AK-47s don't fire underwater.
4. breath mints: because a diet of fish is bound to make your breath rank. Even in an apocalypse, it's just bad manners to have rank breath.
And that's it, really. Just keep these items on hand at all times, and you too will be one of the few survivors when the world becomes completely submerged.
Sincerely,
Tom "keep your mitts of my water wings" [insert last name here]
*Rumors that the rain will stop are merely government propaganda. In fact, as I write this, there isn't any rain falling. Does that disprove my theory? Absolutely not. The sun breaks build false hope and are most likely sponsored by The Man to keep the populous misinformed. Don't trust the sun breaks.
Here’s to stupidity and it’s amazing ability to help me forget about a bad day. At least for a little while.
Concerned citizens,
As I drove up the river formerly known as 6th street last night, I watched a series of pedestrians float into the storm drains. Right then, as the water crested my windows, I had an epiphany: It will never stop raining.*
The long term solution to this problem is to genetically modify mankind to have gills. Since it'll be some time before the world of medical science gets off its duff and sees the light, I've come up with a list of items that concerned adults should have on hand to deal with the inevitable submergence of western Washington.
1. snorkel: useful in mudslides, and required for spending long hours at your cubicle when the water in your office is five feet deep.
2. water wings: they're inflatable, so they pack smaller than full-fledged life preservers. Sure, they look funny, but we'll see who's laughing after all the "cool" people try to tread water for the next 40 days and 40 nights.
3. spear gun: you'll need to protect your water wings from the "cool" people, and AK-47s don't fire underwater.
4. breath mints: because a diet of fish is bound to make your breath rank. Even in an apocalypse, it's just bad manners to have rank breath.
And that's it, really. Just keep these items on hand at all times, and you too will be one of the few survivors when the world becomes completely submerged.
Sincerely,
Tom "keep your mitts of my water wings" [insert last name here]
*Rumors that the rain will stop are merely government propaganda. In fact, as I write this, there isn't any rain falling. Does that disprove my theory? Absolutely not. The sun breaks build false hope and are most likely sponsored by The Man to keep the populous misinformed. Don't trust the sun breaks.
Comments