I wrote this a while ago, back when I hurt my finger and was going through withdrawals from rock climbing. I friend of mine reminded me of it the other day, and I still think it's funny. It may be an inside climber joke though. The important thing to remember is that I get to copy and paste rather than write, and that makes me happy when I don't have much to say.
To whom it may concern,
Jimmy woke up one day and realized that he was an addict. The signs were all around him, but he simply hadn't noticed before. His room was full of paraphernalia: dozens of shoes, boxes of white powder, and a pervasive scent of sweat and dirt. But worse, his life was suffering from it. He had no social life because his addiction took all his free time. His job suffered because he spent all day thinking about his addiction. In short, Jimmy's life was in a downward spiral, and he simply couldn't see a way to break the cycle. Does this story sound familiar? Are you, like Jimmy, addicted to climbing?
Let me be the first to say that there is hope! Follow these simple steps and you, too, can be free of this horrible malady.
1. Change your daily routine. Addictions thrive on routines. Do you normally climb after working? Stop working, or work later. Do you get urges to climb when it's sunny out? Move to Seattle to avoid the sun.
2. Rid yourself of things that remind you of climbing. Keeping old climbing gear is the number one source of relapse. Keeping those Camalots is asking to slip back into the destructive patterns of addiction. Our trained technicians will properly dispose of your old gear, making sure that it doesn't fall into innocent hands.
3. Find new hobbies. Sitting at home trying not to think about climbing simply will not work. Fill the void! Take up intellectually stimulating activities like basket weaving or knitting. If that fails, simply numb yourself on a steady diet of cheetos and daytime TV. Soon you'll be so grossly overweight and brain-dead that you'll be incapable of climbing.
Follow these simple steps and you, too, can be free of climbing. But don't take our word for it, listen to these satisfied customers.
Joan: "Quitting climbing was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've put on weight and feel fantastic. Stiff winds don't blow me over any more."
Chuck: "RED POINT! I MUST RED POINT! I mean... I don't need to climb anymore. I don't need it to fulfill me. RED POINT!"
Jimmy: "I used to think about climbing all the time. It was sick. But I'm free now to pursue my true love of scrap booking. Soon, I'll have my whole life recorded... and then I'll get to make a scrapbook of my adventures scrap booking... and then I'll make a scrapbook of my adventure making a scrapbook of me scrap booking... and then... and then I'll HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAaaaaaa!!!!!"
Remember, we care, and we can help.
Sincerely,
Climbers Anonymous
To whom it may concern,
Jimmy woke up one day and realized that he was an addict. The signs were all around him, but he simply hadn't noticed before. His room was full of paraphernalia: dozens of shoes, boxes of white powder, and a pervasive scent of sweat and dirt. But worse, his life was suffering from it. He had no social life because his addiction took all his free time. His job suffered because he spent all day thinking about his addiction. In short, Jimmy's life was in a downward spiral, and he simply couldn't see a way to break the cycle. Does this story sound familiar? Are you, like Jimmy, addicted to climbing?
Let me be the first to say that there is hope! Follow these simple steps and you, too, can be free of this horrible malady.
1. Change your daily routine. Addictions thrive on routines. Do you normally climb after working? Stop working, or work later. Do you get urges to climb when it's sunny out? Move to Seattle to avoid the sun.
2. Rid yourself of things that remind you of climbing. Keeping old climbing gear is the number one source of relapse. Keeping those Camalots is asking to slip back into the destructive patterns of addiction. Our trained technicians will properly dispose of your old gear, making sure that it doesn't fall into innocent hands.
3. Find new hobbies. Sitting at home trying not to think about climbing simply will not work. Fill the void! Take up intellectually stimulating activities like basket weaving or knitting. If that fails, simply numb yourself on a steady diet of cheetos and daytime TV. Soon you'll be so grossly overweight and brain-dead that you'll be incapable of climbing.
Follow these simple steps and you, too, can be free of climbing. But don't take our word for it, listen to these satisfied customers.
Joan: "Quitting climbing was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've put on weight and feel fantastic. Stiff winds don't blow me over any more."
Chuck: "RED POINT! I MUST RED POINT! I mean... I don't need to climb anymore. I don't need it to fulfill me. RED POINT!"
Jimmy: "I used to think about climbing all the time. It was sick. But I'm free now to pursue my true love of scrap booking. Soon, I'll have my whole life recorded... and then I'll get to make a scrapbook of my adventures scrap booking... and then I'll make a scrapbook of my adventure making a scrapbook of me scrap booking... and then... and then I'll HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAaaaaaa!!!!!"
Remember, we care, and we can help.
Sincerely,
Climbers Anonymous
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