It took me a few minutes to convince myself to open my Bible this morning. I thought about all the other stuff I could be doing: reading the paper (okay, reading the comics in the paper), washing the dishes, vacuuming the carpet, buying a cat to vacuum, or staring blankly at a wall until I fall asleep.
For those of you who read this site regularly (or as regularly as my irregular posting has allowed as of late), this may come as a surprise because I have a history on this site of highly encouraging Bible reading and other questionable activities like praying, worshipping, and helping old ladies cross the street. Actually, I've never brought up the "old ladies across the street" one. Shame on you if you don't, though. I mean, if they get run over, it's your fault. At least a little your fault. It's also partly the guy-who-ran-her-over's fault too.
The entire second paragraph is really me putting off saying this: I took my time opening my Bible this morning because I'm afraid of dying. There. I said it. You may now judge me as the coward that I am.
Now that you're done judging me (if you're not, take your time, the rest of the post will still be here when you're done), I'd like to explain myself a little. You see, the Bible is a dangerous thing. Lethal, even. I have a life that I like. It's pretty simple. I have a good job, good friends, a great girlfriend (waaaay to good for me, but don't tell her I told you that), a loving family, and my health. The Bible, read in the Word-of-the-Living-God sense, can be lethal to the kind of life I've established.
I tend to get stuck in ruts of me. It's natural for people to look at the world in terms of how it affects them. I'll judge things good or bad based on whether they benefit or hurt me, my well being, or my general good mood. Please take this time to note that all the things I listed that were good about my life were listed as possessions, as things that I have. There's a sense of entitlement to what I listed, not that I'm blessed to have these gifts (friends, family, and health are gifts), but that I deserve to have them.
That's the kind of utter and complete crap that you can't really believe for very long when you read the Bible or pray in earnest. But it's also a bunch of utter and complete crap that I'm very fond of. I like feeling that somehow I've earned my friends, my girlfriend, my family, my job, my health, and my salvation.
And so, feeling very "look at the great stuff I've earned, aren't I flippin' cool" this morning, I didn't much feel like cracking open the Bible to read how Christ bled and died on the cross so that I could really live. But I did it anyway. And then I died a little. I died to that part of me that claims everything, that wants to own everything. I was humbled and shamed for my pride. And then I started to live again.
Truly living involves knowing that friends, family, health, jobs, security, love, even life itself, are all gifts from God. I don't deserve any of it. I don't get to keep any of it longer than God wants me to. When Jesus said that His followers need to pick up their crosses and follow him, He didn't mean that it was a one time choice. It's a decision that needs to be made constantly, an attitude that you have to live in.
I'm afraid of dying. Maybe that means I'm afraid of truly living.
For those of you who read this site regularly (or as regularly as my irregular posting has allowed as of late), this may come as a surprise because I have a history on this site of highly encouraging Bible reading and other questionable activities like praying, worshipping, and helping old ladies cross the street. Actually, I've never brought up the "old ladies across the street" one. Shame on you if you don't, though. I mean, if they get run over, it's your fault. At least a little your fault. It's also partly the guy-who-ran-her-over's fault too.
The entire second paragraph is really me putting off saying this: I took my time opening my Bible this morning because I'm afraid of dying. There. I said it. You may now judge me as the coward that I am.
Now that you're done judging me (if you're not, take your time, the rest of the post will still be here when you're done), I'd like to explain myself a little. You see, the Bible is a dangerous thing. Lethal, even. I have a life that I like. It's pretty simple. I have a good job, good friends, a great girlfriend (waaaay to good for me, but don't tell her I told you that), a loving family, and my health. The Bible, read in the Word-of-the-Living-God sense, can be lethal to the kind of life I've established.
I tend to get stuck in ruts of me. It's natural for people to look at the world in terms of how it affects them. I'll judge things good or bad based on whether they benefit or hurt me, my well being, or my general good mood. Please take this time to note that all the things I listed that were good about my life were listed as possessions, as things that I have. There's a sense of entitlement to what I listed, not that I'm blessed to have these gifts (friends, family, and health are gifts), but that I deserve to have them.
That's the kind of utter and complete crap that you can't really believe for very long when you read the Bible or pray in earnest. But it's also a bunch of utter and complete crap that I'm very fond of. I like feeling that somehow I've earned my friends, my girlfriend, my family, my job, my health, and my salvation.
And so, feeling very "look at the great stuff I've earned, aren't I flippin' cool" this morning, I didn't much feel like cracking open the Bible to read how Christ bled and died on the cross so that I could really live. But I did it anyway. And then I died a little. I died to that part of me that claims everything, that wants to own everything. I was humbled and shamed for my pride. And then I started to live again.
Truly living involves knowing that friends, family, health, jobs, security, love, even life itself, are all gifts from God. I don't deserve any of it. I don't get to keep any of it longer than God wants me to. When Jesus said that His followers need to pick up their crosses and follow him, He didn't mean that it was a one time choice. It's a decision that needs to be made constantly, an attitude that you have to live in.
I'm afraid of dying. Maybe that means I'm afraid of truly living.
Comments
http://www.communitybiblebaptist.com/ministry_news/latest_news/the_simple_plan_of_salvation.html
To paraphrase the Apostle Paul, "I die to myself so that I might live in Christ... but sometimes it's hard."