[The following post was written last Tuesday at the tale end of a long day at work. It was sent via email to a few of my friends, but I like it enough that I thought I'd share it with you.]
I'm not in the habit of writing posts telling the world that I'm bored out of my mind, but I decided to make an exception today for reasons which will become apparent in a paragraph or so.
Today is Tuesday [12/17/07]. You knew that already. What you didn't know is that by all accounts, today should actually be Friday, or, at the very least, after dinner on Thursday. I showed up to work this Tuesday morning at 6:20 AM. Looking at my clock shows that it's now 3:46 PM. Basic arithmetic (along with a knowledge of the tricky AM to PM conversion on the twelve hour clock) tells me that I've been at work today for 9 hours and 26 minutes.
Here's where it gets interesting: My finely tuned, precision calibrated body clock tells me that I've actually been at work for 96 hours. Which, as I'm sure you've calculated, is a wee bit longer than 9 hours and 26 minutes. Now, being intelligent folks, you'll probably jump to the conclusion that I'm simply bored, and that said boredom is distorting my perception of time. Which only proves that you don't know exactly how finely tuned and precision calibrated my body clock really is. The atomic clock is a scratched Timex calculator watch compared to the sparkling Rolex of my body clock.
The obvious solution to the disparity between my body clock and my computer's clock is simple: God has distorted space-time in honor of the birth of his Son. You see, it's almost Christmas and historically this time of year blazes by in a haze of tinsel, pine trees, shopping mall fist fights, and drunken renditions of silent night. It is my hypothesis that God has stretched the human perception of time to allow us the opportunity to reflect on the history changing, eternity affecting birth of his Son while still having enough time to arm wrestle the overweight lady in the paisley dress for the last Barbra Streisand CD.
On a philosophical level, I'm all for this newly slowed pace of time. It's the practical level that gets me. You see, were I at home with my family and friends, drinking hot chocolate, eating too much, and generally having a good time, I would revel in the 86 hour and 34 minute time difference I'm currently experiencing. But, sadly, I was caught at work when space-time took on the consistency of silly putty on a hot August day.
I am writing this email to inform you, [insert name of friend here], that should you experience this stretchy, inconsistent, slightly goopy state of time, don't be alarmed. All is still well. Enjoy your 96 hours of work tomorrow knowing that those extra 86 hours and 34 minutes will allow you the time you need to truly appreciate the gifts that have been given to us.
I'm not in the habit of writing posts telling the world that I'm bored out of my mind, but I decided to make an exception today for reasons which will become apparent in a paragraph or so.
Today is Tuesday [12/17/07]. You knew that already. What you didn't know is that by all accounts, today should actually be Friday, or, at the very least, after dinner on Thursday. I showed up to work this Tuesday morning at 6:20 AM. Looking at my clock shows that it's now 3:46 PM. Basic arithmetic (along with a knowledge of the tricky AM to PM conversion on the twelve hour clock) tells me that I've been at work today for 9 hours and 26 minutes.
Here's where it gets interesting: My finely tuned, precision calibrated body clock tells me that I've actually been at work for 96 hours. Which, as I'm sure you've calculated, is a wee bit longer than 9 hours and 26 minutes. Now, being intelligent folks, you'll probably jump to the conclusion that I'm simply bored, and that said boredom is distorting my perception of time. Which only proves that you don't know exactly how finely tuned and precision calibrated my body clock really is. The atomic clock is a scratched Timex calculator watch compared to the sparkling Rolex of my body clock.
The obvious solution to the disparity between my body clock and my computer's clock is simple: God has distorted space-time in honor of the birth of his Son. You see, it's almost Christmas and historically this time of year blazes by in a haze of tinsel, pine trees, shopping mall fist fights, and drunken renditions of silent night. It is my hypothesis that God has stretched the human perception of time to allow us the opportunity to reflect on the history changing, eternity affecting birth of his Son while still having enough time to arm wrestle the overweight lady in the paisley dress for the last Barbra Streisand CD.
On a philosophical level, I'm all for this newly slowed pace of time. It's the practical level that gets me. You see, were I at home with my family and friends, drinking hot chocolate, eating too much, and generally having a good time, I would revel in the 86 hour and 34 minute time difference I'm currently experiencing. But, sadly, I was caught at work when space-time took on the consistency of silly putty on a hot August day.
I am writing this email to inform you, [insert name of friend here], that should you experience this stretchy, inconsistent, slightly goopy state of time, don't be alarmed. All is still well. Enjoy your 96 hours of work tomorrow knowing that those extra 86 hours and 34 minutes will allow you the time you need to truly appreciate the gifts that have been given to us.
Comments
Have you considered getting something, if not more interesting, at least a little more active? A person should not have to spend his time like that.