[Author's note: That's me on the left there. I feel like that sometimes.]
Hi, my name’s Tom, and I’m a Christian.
That’s a funny way to start a post on a website that’s dedicated (at least in theory) to my personal thoughts on Christianity, but I thought I’d put it out there. You know, clear the air a bit. After all, you don’t really need to be a Christian to write about Christianity. There are enough sources out there (books, TV shows, radio broadcasts, etc.) that you could figure enough out to make conversation without having to bother with all the “living like a Christian” bits.
So, there it is. I’m a Christian. That’s admission number one. Admission number two is this: sometimes I’m ashamed that I’m a Christian.
I remember reading this verse in the Bible when I was a teenager that didn’t make any sense to me. Paul wrote that he was not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus the Christ.* To teenage me, that seemed like a silly thing to say. Of course he wasn’t ashamed of the gospel. Who would be ashamed of the gospel of Christ? After all, if you’re right and you know you’re right, why hide it? The world should know about your rightness so that the world can bask in it.
I thought like that when I was a teenager. I was a cocky kid who didn’t know much but thought he did. Which, I guess, is just saying that I was a teenager using more words.
Years went by and failures and personal faults slowly eroded my cockiness into a sort of forced humility. It’s hard to be too cocky when you have concrete proof of your own limitations. And as that cockiness subsided, I slowly came to realized that Paul wasn’t so silly after all. That real Christians in a world that is obviously not Christian** sometimes feel ashamed of the faith they have in this man who lived 2000 years ago. That same faith that separates them from the people around them.
It’s awkward, sometimes, talking to people who have no idea where you’re coming from. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been shocked by what some of the people I work with view as “the right way to do things.” In those conversations when I’m surrounded by people who all agree with each other, it would be easier to just go along with them than to disagree.
As a Christian, it’s not always my place to point out when other people are wrong. That’s one of the things that I’ve learned as I’ve grown older. However, there have been times when that’s not why I was silent. I was silent because I was ashamed of the difference between me and them. I was ashamed of this separation, this gulf between us.
So I didn’t say anything. Which is, in a circular way, a public admission of shame.
When I was alone again, I felt dirty and ashamed. You see, I wasn’t just ashamed of an idea. That would be more understandable. I was ashamed of something much bigger than ideology or philosophy. I was ashamed Jesus: the living and loving son of God. The Christ. What kind of silly man would be ashamed of him?
Well… me. Sometimes.
We’ve reached the point of the post where I’m supposed to wrap this all up into a neat bundle so you can lean back and say, “Oh, so that’s what he was getting at,” and then forget about the whole unpleasant ordeal. But I don’t have a neat bundle prepared for you today. What I have is a flaw that I’m working on and that I decided to share with you. Why? Because I like sharing the fact that Christianity is a journey rather than a decision. Every exhortation and admonition in the Bible was given to people who were really doing these things. Some of the people doing bad things were very good people. But they weren’t perfect, so they needed to be reminded.
You become a Christian when you start on the path, but you don’t finish until you’re standing before him in heaven.
*Contrary to popular belief, “Christ” is a job title, not a last name. The word, for all intents and purposes, means savior. Which is, not too surprisingly, exactly what he did.
**While we call ourselves a Christian nation, America is not a nation composed of Christians. It is a nation of people who call themselves Christians. There is a difference.
Comments
i myself have at times suffered greatly for standing up for what i believe in but if you truely hold something to be a beacon of truth, that uncomfortable place you might find yourself in is a necessity to make sure that it is perpetuated in leu of the darkness/ignorance that so heavily populates the world.
the most dangerous thing one can do is tell the truth. becuase often that truth defies the nature of convention..often the crass details ever so minute are blurred to keep the gears greased.
though i doubt you will not find any great persecution for you faith in christ...as any one who holds the ideals and teachings of christ in your heart you will often find yourself at odds with what is "accepted" and "tolerated", even within the bodie of his flock...there is no exception to that rule. it is a perpetual process of struggling with ones endurance if you hold truth/light in high regard..and at the very least i would encourage you to be equally steadfast in your faith and diligent in your skepticism of things that are pushed upon as each day passes.
i do not have the priviledge of material wealth in this life, but one thing i do have within the path of my spritual pursuits is that gift in dligence in retaining my own grasp upon the reality of things. i do not often find religion to sooth my aches or my wrestling with such things, i hardly find other people to do so..
but if truth is a pursuit you will find yourself often in great trials as you wrestle with giving in to those outside forces rather then to stand up proudly for what you believe.
few men do stand tall for righting what they few are wrong, and often those men pay a great price. we need more martin luthers in this world though..we need thinkers ands scholars..and not blind followers.