I want say that I did enough. At least, that I did my part.
I think I can say that. And yet…
Context: I used to be a youth leader at my church. Which is
to say that I used to teach junior high and high school kids about Jesus. It’s
been a few years. I took a break for a bit and now I teach little kids (K-5th
grade) about Jesus.
Context to the context: One of my former youth group kids
who was no longer a kid died recently.
This is not a memorial post. I don’t think I could do her
justice. I didn’t know her as an adult, and the years between youth and adult
are formative and re-formative. We hadn’t spoken for years when I got a text
from her asking to talk out of the blue. I replied that it was nice to hear
from her and that I’d have time to talk the next day.
We did not talk the next day. Or the day after that. Weeks
passed. Another text. And then, a story. She asked for advice on raising a kid.
We texted back and forth about the struggles and wonders of parenthood. About
the difficulties she faced with the baby-to-be’s father. About how she was in
danger before but was safe now. We talked about church and how hard it was to
be connected with anyone with COVID. She told me that she found herself closest
to God sitting outside with her Bible, listening to church in her headphones. That
sounded nice to me.
Months passed. And she texted me a picture of a baby. Tiny,
fragile, adorable.
And then, a few weeks later, my former youth group student
died.
And I am sad. For her, that she didn’t get to watch her
child grow. For her baby, who will never know the mother that bore her. For her
family, and the loss that they must feel. But I find hope in her love of God.
That she and her baby may be reunited in heaven someday. That she is at rest in
paradise.
Topic change: The news of her death made me think about an
unrelated conversation (are Facebook comment posts conversations?). In that
conversation, I told a different former youth group student that teaching my
kids about heaven and hell and about the consequences of sin is loving if
heaven and hell are real. That it would be unloving, cruel even, to spare their
feelings now in light of the eternal consequences. A lot of parenting is making
your kids temporarily sad for their long term benefit. [Aside: Dad, I get it
now.]
My other former student brought up extra-Biblical sources to
point out that maybe heaven and hell aren’t real. And that other religions
believe in other things. And… well, you get the idea. He was polite and well-spoken
and well-researched, and I wanted to debate. To bring him to the truth by
evidence and logic. But I let it go instead. Facebook is no place for discussions
of importance, and I have yet to see someone change their mind by facts alone.
We are emotional beings, us humans. And it often takes emotional interaction to
help us understand facts.
And, this is the bit that ties the two stories together, I
told myself we have time. All the time in the world. Minutes and hours and days
and years of time.
Until we don’t.
And because we may not have time, I will tell you what I
believe and why as quickly as I can. I believe all humanity has sinned. If you
read the news, this should not be a hard sell. I believe that Jesus was a real
man. This can be confirmed by historical texts outside the Bible. I believe
that Jesus was also God. You’ll have to believe the Bible for this one. I
believe the New Testament account of Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection
because of the Bible and the actions of the apostles after Jesus’s death as
recorded in other historical documents. I believe in Heaven and Hell because
Jesus did. And I believe that Jesus’s death and resurrection paid the price for
humanity’s sins and allow us to be children of God. All we have to do is
believe in Him and confess our sins and ask for forgiveness. And I realize that
this paragraph can be incredibly offensive, but sometimes we need to be
offended if it helps us see the truth.
I am not responsible for that first former-student’s belief
or the second former-student’s lack of belief. They are responsible for their
own actions. But it is my hope, my prayer, that I did what I was called to do. That
I presented the gospel clearly to them so that they could make good choices.
I want to say that I did enough. And yet…
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